Where's My Pillow?

Saturday night-Sunday morning:

I tried to sleep early last night--I could say just four hours ago--but I really couldn't. About 9:40 pm I brushed my teeth, drank my milk, and straight to bed. I listened to mellow songs as a lullaby to make me sleep. Around 10:15 pm, I finally reach my abstracting moment when suddenly my black little semi-juvenile cat sneaked into the house and bumped and woke me up. I barely can't stand the mewling and it might wake them all up. I opened my eyes--I barely can't. I can feel the muscle constructions of my both eyes. It felt like my veins are held up. My eyes are teary then--and grab him all the way outside. I get to bed for the second time. It's around 11:30 pm.

Still I can't sleep. I felt uncomfy and irritated. My allergies, they will bring me down, gah!~
So I scratched here, scratched there, scratched a little more until boom! I'll bleed and marks will be left--scars! Yes, I have white sensitive skin and I feel embarrassed whenever people saw this coin marks on my arms specially on my legs. Just think about it, there's a girl who's face was smooth but yuck she had a disturbing legs. Full of scars! Nah!

So after the scratchy period, I thought I can finally go to sleep. But I still can't. We're over crowded on the bed. I was on the edge and my little sister on the middle and my big sister on the other side on the wall. I can't move, I can't position myself to the comfy position I wanted when sleeping. I tried to bear all just to make it to the point--to sleep.

In this head, my thoughts are always deep. And I'm thinking about flying but I failed coz I can't fly. My imagination is a failure. This past few months, I can't rely on imagining--which was the only thing I have to make my day full. If I can't imagine, that means I'm uninspired coz nothing's worth it running on my head. Don't ever ask me coz I feel my inspiration has ran dry. That's what's going on I knew that. Then suddenly I thought of photography. I knew why I like girls on my photos--but it doesn't necessarily I mean I'm not open to guys or objects and stuffs--yup yup! Try to tell me if this has a point ok?

Beacuse I love skins, textures, curves and colors.

I love to capture the human curves and texture. The beauty, the skin and how colors match the scene. Then I love manipulating projections for more abstract way portration. With the dress and props that will complete the theme and of course the most important ingridient--emotion, the feelings.

After I muse about these things, I've decided to write these feelings, at least it would help. So, I stood up and front myself again at the monitor. Fingers on keyboard, glasses equiped, and ready to boom! Yeah!

And oh! I saw something again. Maybe that was actually the reason why I envy people, because I could see their smiles, so genuine and sweet. Unlike mine's, so fake and bitter.

(Ok you see, I'm still having my hard time.)
(I fight, I struggle. That's true.)

PS: My sister gave me 200 pesos and she told me to shop. If and only you can call it shopping, coz as far as I know shopping means a to buy a bunch, not an "item" only. I really want new blouses, I'll buy. Soon!