Meltdown.

I've heard a lot of stories and sayings about "being happy" and there's a lot of things running in my head when I hear those words. Simple yet hard to possess. I admit I'm not happy in my life now. Not because there's no one to comfort me but because I feel torn. Even though they are all there, its not enough when the one who's eventually missing is me.

Its funny when he said I just need to be satisfied to be happy but the hell in the first place I don't even know how to be satisfied and even though I do, I don't know how to do it. Its funny when he said I just need self-confidence and I should believe on what I can do but did not even think that I don't know where to find those and if I do, I don't know how to. Its funny when he said I just need to stop acting stupid yet even though I tried my best to act normal the more they keep pushing me to feel stupid. Its funny when he said I just need to express myself yet that's the perfect moment when they start to ignore me. Its funny when he said I don't need any attention from those people around me but how can I perform progress if those people who pay attention are the few people who always do. Its funny when he said I just need to stop deep thinking but did not even think about the fact that I can't avoid it specially when I'm alone--how can I control myself when I'm confuse? Its funny when he said I can start over again but did not notice that whenever I tried to I always stumble. Its funny when he said I should stop feeling envious but did not even think how will I do it when there's so many stuffs I want and even though I do realize that, how will I stop myself. Its funny when he said I'm beautiful though the funniest thing there was I am not feeling beautiful and even though I really am, I don't know how to build confidence.

And this is for worst. I don't even know why I wrote this senselessness. Its not enough. Say it--shout it loud!--or write it. There's no make sense wasn't it? Everyday is just the same scenario. Same ambiance, same people, same screen, same music, same place, same emotion and most of all, same concept.

Always all about me--my stupid me.